When we communicate with others, we often need more information than we can get from words alone. Therefore, nonverbal language is just as important to the success of the message as spoken words and sentences. Through body movement, physical gestures, and facial and voice expressions, nonverbal communication adds an interesting dimension to our conversations and discussions. Virtually any communication interaction, whether with one person or thousands, is enhanced by our movements and expressions.
Some of us seem to rely on nonverbal communication more than others. I’ve heard it said, “If you tied her hands down, she couldn’t talk!” And, that’s not far from the truth. Research has shown that at least 80 percent of what we communicate is nonverbal, so, if your child seems to have difficulty processing nonverbal language, it can be devastating for him or her. Here is information that will help you better understand nonverbal language and how it relates to your child.
Paralinguistics
The meaning and the emotion of our messages are often showcased by not only our words, but also the way we change our voices to deliver those words. Paralinguistic information includes tone of voice, rate of speech, inflections, voice volume, and the natural emotions embedded within our voices. Here are some examples:
Every child has responded to the tone of voice that says, “You’re in trouble now!” In both my kid experience and my mom experience, all that was necessary to make a point clear was “name” plus “tone”…message received! But tone can also be positive. “Hooray” is usually expressed in a very positive tone of voice! In both of these examples, the words and the appropriate tone are necessary to convey the speaker's message. Good or bad, even very young children usually can tell the message and mood from tone of voice.
The rate of our speech can mean many, many things. Obviously, we all have natural speaking rates, and Texans are well known for the “slow drawl.” But, beyond our natural speaking speed, how quickly or slowly we speak may communicate meaning. For instance, very fast speech may indicate excitement or fear; a slow rate of speaking may indicate sluggishness or weariness.
The inflections or stress we use can change the meaning of the words we say. As an example, let’s use the sentence, "That ball is mine." If we say, “That ball is mine,” the stress on “that” indicates which ball. “That ball is mine,” indicates the object. "That ball is mine," confirms possession. And, "That ball is mine," indicates possession. Changing the stress changes the meaning.
Voice volume refers to the loudness or softness of our speech and can also tell us a great deal. Loudness may indicate many things, including fear or anger; softness may also mean many things, such as sadness or weariness.
Our emotions are naturally reflected in our voices. People may ask, “What’s wrong?” or “Did something happen?” based simply on our speech. Our speaking usually displays emotion through many or all of the nonverbal characteristics above.
Kinesics
Kinesics refers to nonverbal behaviors, such as body language, gestures, and facial expressions, which communicate a message by themselves.
Both positive (e.g., happiness and excitement) and negative (e.g., fear and disappointment) emotions or feelings can be conveyed through:
Body Behaviors
- The way we walk or stand
- The way we hold our heads and/or shoulders
- Body tension that is actually visible
and/or
Gestures and Facial Expressions
- Nodding or shaking our heads to indicate yes or no
- Rolling or lifting our eyes to indicate frustration
- Wagging our fingers from side to side to indicate a strong “No!”
- Stomping a foot to indicate anger or frustration
- Turning away from someone to indicate that the conversation is over (this is not good conversation etiquette, by the way!)
The movements of our bodies and the expressions of our faces convey anger, happiness or pleasure, fear, confusion, annoyance, hatred, and on, and on, and on.
Proxemics
This refers to the way we use space to communicate. Using space, we can send a very clear message without a single word or gesture. This is often referred to as our “personal” or “private” space. At some time, you’ve probably felt someone was too close and “in your space.” When that happens, you might experience a strong feeling of discomfort and take some action to reestablish your comfort zone. You might step back, ask someone to step back, or just say, “Excuse me, you’re in my space!”
The distance we maintain between ourselves and another person (either sitting or standing) can convey many emotions, such as intention or interest, love, attraction, dislike, or disgust.
Postscript
We’ve all heard, “Actions speak louder than words.” If your child cannot understand or interpret those actions, he or she will not be able to communicate easily and effectively. Remember that research has shown that at least 80 percent of what we communicate is nonverbal. Nonverbal language is very, very important, and if your child has difficulty interpreting or understanding any or all of the nonverbal language areas we have discussed, don’t delay in seeking help.
Contact me at 940-704-4324 for more information.