Helping Your Child Learn to Talk:
What You REALLY Need to Know and Do!
Many communication disorders can be prevented if we, as adults, become more knowledgeable about how to teach good communication and then take the time to apply that knowledge by providing appropriate attention and stimulation to our children.
Speech and language are learned; therefore, they must be taught. However, even though these skills are taught, speech and language are best learned in natural, caring situations and environments. Parents are usually the primary teachers of speech and language, but often don’t realize or understand the importance of their role in helping their child develop good communication skills.
Much has been written about how parents and families can help children learn to talk. These books or articles are often titled something like “100 (or some other big number) Ways to Help Your Child Talk.” Many of these publications are excellent; however, my guess is that most well-intentioned, but busy families don’t get anywhere close to the end of 100 suggestions. You may be reluctant to even start when faced with a list so long and daunting.
In my experience, there are a few super important strategies that you need to know and do. Just about everything else is a variation of a theme and often an activity rather than a strategy. To help busy parents begin to make real-world progress, I’m narrowing all of these tips and tools down to my top 10. I believe if you are creative and committed to developing these 10 strategies, you can provide boundless communication opportunities for your child!
Dr. Bob’s Top 10 Ways to Help Your Child Learn to Talk
Number 1: Be a Good Model
Good modeling is one of the most important factors in helping your child learn speech and language, and it is often overlooked or taken for granted. Children are great imitators, and these imitative characteristics can be effectively harnessed when learning normal communication skills. Unfortunately, adults are often guilty of being poor communication models. We often talk too fast, too slow, too soft, or too loud. We may slur our words or run words together. We may talk with poor eye contact (while watching TV or using a smartphone) or talk while facing away from the child.
As a good model, you should speak clearly, using appropriate rate, tone, and inflection. Be sure to use short, easy-to-understand words, phrases, and sentences. Good modeling involves good listening as well as good talking, so always be sure to make eye contact and use appropriate facial and body gestures when listening to or talking with your child. Remember that when talking with your child, or in the presence of your child, you should be thoughtful of the number and kinds of words you use. Communication is learned primarily through listening, and your child will speak what has been heard, good or bad!
Number 2: Spend More Time with Your Child
You probably think you’re spending enough time with your child, but if your child is not talking or not talking very much, it’s important to increase both the quantity and quality of time together. Simply increasing the amount of time you spend with your child may encourage talking, but to optimize communication opportunities, remember to increase the quality of the communication as well. This means to be sure the play or activity is meaningful for your child, the activity is fun, and the words you choose to model are appropriate for your child and the situation. The kind of praise or reinforcement you use when (s)he says or attempts to say a word is important too. Because these quality factors are so vital, they are included below as communication strategies.
Number 3: Make Speech and Language Learning Fun
Most of us learn faster and remember what we learned longer when the learning experience is fun. It is easier to play with a child than to work with a child, and the use of games and other enjoyable activities can be very helpful, especially at first. An example of an activity designed to encourage single words is "Surprise! It's …" Of course, you can be clever and creative and call the activity whatever you want. Begin by taping a picture of the new word on several pages of his or her favorite book. As you look at or "read" the book together, when you come to the surprise page, make a really big deal about the surprise picture, using the new word several times. Your child may or may not participate in your excitement about the new picture (and word), and that's okay. If your child doesn’t respond with you to the first surprise picture, when you come to the second surprise picture, show no reaction at all and wait. Most kids can't resist pointing out that you "missed" the surprise picture and in most cases, he or she will make some attempt to communicate that to you! Seize this opportunity to talk about the picture and use the new word over and over and over.
Eventually, you may be able to use less structured activities or techniques to teach good communication, but in the beginning, it is important to engage and motivate your child. Having fun together will gain his cooperation and provide an incentive for carrying out the talking activities.
Number 4: Make Speech and Language Rewarding
Just knowing that his speech is getting better is usually not sufficiently rewarding for a child. Activities should incorporate fun games that reward good work or serve as rewards for using speech. In the example above, if the target word was "apple," you might go have an apple for a snack after finishing the book and point out all the apple-things in the kitchen – apples, apple juice, applesauce, etc. You can also use other rewards, such as tokens, food items of your choice, or words of praise and reinforcement. You should make an effort to decrease the frequency of the reward and to move from tangible food/prize reinforcements to verbal reinforcements as soon as possible, but use whatever reward keeps your child interested and working on good communication.
Numbers 5 & 6: Make Learning Activities Appropriate and Meaningful
Make certain that the speech and language learning activities are appropriate and meaningful. It is important that you, as a parent, have some knowledge of normal communication development. You don’t have to be an expert, but you should have a general idea about the expected speech and language skills at your child’s stages of development. Make yourself familiar with general speech sound acquisition guidelines. For example, you shouldn’t be concerned if your three-year-old doesn’t make or use /r/ or /s/ sounds, as those speech sounds develop later. And, don’t worry about or concentrate on speech if your child has very little language. Language trumps speech every time. That doesn’t mean that speech isn’t important; rather, speech is just one way we express our language. So, language first, then we can shape the speech if necessary.
If your child doesn't say many, or any, words, the first thing to do is work on increasing your child’s vocabulary and making sure that vocabulary is meaningful to him. Even if the word “dog” is part of an early, basic vocabulary, if your child doesn’t have a dog, doesn’t know someone who has a dog, or doesn’t have any apparent interest in a dog, teaching that word now probably won’t be meaningful. Teach words that are most important for your child. These will be words that are important to most families and some that are specific to your family and your child. Vocabulary will vary with each child, family, and situation. Parents often spend time teaching the names of relatives, letters, or numbers when other words are actually more important in the child's environment. And, as your child learns single words, you can model phrases and simple sentences to help develop early grammar.
Number 7: Provide Lots of Listening Experience
Provide your child with lots and lots of listening experiences. Being a good listener is a very important part of learning to talk. Listening is not the same as hearing. Most of us are born with hearing, but listening is learned and developed through extensive practice.
Your child can and should be taught to be a better listener. Listening to fun and interesting sounds and listening to identify similar or different sounds are great activities. Listening activities can involve technology, such as a story program that instructs your child to “turn the page when you hear the bell,” or you can choose to forgo technology and personally instruct your child to “turn the page now.” Of course, there are many, many apps and websites that stress listening. Research carefully because you want to be sure you are teaching and not just entertaining.
Activities that require your child to carry out a command or instruction, especially with a reward, encourage good listening. For example, you might say, “If you go to the kitchen and look on the table, you will see the cookies that we baked. They are cool now, and you may have one.”
Almost any activity can be made multipurpose to include listening. Learning to be a good listener will improve your child’s auditory memory, ability to determine sound similarities and differences, and overall ability to listen more carefully and respond appropriately. This, in turn, should help your child improve self-monitoring, appreciate the importance of effective listening, and become a better communicator!
Number 8: Verbally Bombard Your Child
Your child probably lives in an environment that provides at least a sufficient verbal atmosphere, but there are some situations in which verbal bombardment might be very effective. When you have your child’s attention, when he is really watching and listening to you, choose a word or words that are appropriate to that situation and your child and repeat that word or those words again and again and again. Not many of us learn a word after hearing it only once, so find creative ways to fill the air with the new word. And don’t be concerned that it will take more than one communication situation to teach the new word or words.
After your child has been bombarded with the new word or words, give him plenty of time to show you that he has learned the new word. It may be awhile, but if he’s learned the new word, you’ll hear it from him sooner or later. In the meantime, continue to present the new word frequently and be sure to listen for words that are new for your child. Sometimes it seems so natural (which is what we want) to hear your child using the new word, you might now even notice it!
Number 9: Discourage Others from Talking for Your Child
It is probably frustrating to have someone try to talk for you, and the same is true for your child. If he is struggling to find the right word or pronounce it correctly, he may feel inadequate or frustrated if someone else says the words for him. If your child is deprived of opportunities to use speech and language for communication, he won’t have the experience necessary to develop normal communication skills.
Brothers, sisters, parents, grandparents, and other children are most likely to interrupt or talk for a child. If this is the case, please share with others how important it is for your child to be able to express himself, even if his speech is limited or difficult to understand. Then insist that he be given as much time as he needs to say what he wants to say. Adults and other children should be patient listeners and resist the temptation to “help” him say the word. Talking is a learned behavior, and practice is essential to the development of any learned behavior. Your child stumbles and falls as he learns to walk; he will stumble and fall verbally as he learns to talk.
Number 10: Be Sure Your Child Has a Need to Talk
Some children don’t talk because they have no need to talk. They aren’t born with a lack of desire to talk; rather, they learn it through some sort of negative reinforcement. As we noted in Number 9, brothers and sisters may talk for a younger sibling. Some children don’t talk because it is difficult and their communication partners aren’t patient or comfortable with their difficulties. Whatever the reason, all children should have a need to talk.
You can provide a need to talk and a reward for making an effort to talk. Remember, it won’t be pretty or perfect at the beginning. For example, you offer your child a cookie by showing the cookie while saying the word (probably several times; remember verbal bombardment). If he makes any attempt to say the word or communicate (early sign language is great gestural communication at this level) that he wants the cookie, he should be rewarded with the prize cookie! His attempts will improve with time and practice, and meaningful signs and gestures will not interfere with the development of speech. Remember, we are facilitating communication, and speech is just one of the outlets for good communication.
Postscript
Talking must be fun. It must be well received by the listener. It must be appreciated. And most of all, it must serve a purpose and fulfill a need for your child at that time. By providing the right communication situations, you can help your child learn to be a good communicator.
As I said earlier, parents and others in a child’s environments are the primary facilitators of the development of speech and language. However, it may be beneficial for both you and your child to implement good communication strategies under the tutelage of a speech-language pathologist.
Contact me today to learn more.